Thursday, March 23rd, 2023

A marriage/relationship issue I had not known

Billy GloverAugust 18, 2013.

The article in the current issue of Windy City Times about how others view relationships of trans/lesbian/hetero couples is a “problem of terms and judgements” and confusion I had not heard.

We spend so much time fussing about which term to use for homosexual people, much less bi and trans, that this is a silly issue but one that is hurtful when some of the people in our own community/movement seem to find it objectionable that, for instance, a former lesbian couple stays “gay” when one partner becomes trans and in a sense it is then a “hetero” couple.

And it seems so wasteful to spend time arguing over who is welcome at a “gay” event, such as who is really a woman, as at women’s music festivals. To be successful, it probably is necessary for events to be public, but it does seem fair for some groups, even those based on gender, to hold private events.

I hear some restaurants are trying a policy of not allowing families with children to be guests after a certain time, as kids usually get cranky and disturb other guests, etc. Diversity does not mean that everyone is welcome at some events or places, and  if someone doesn’t like such a rule then they are free to start their own event, or cafe, etc.

There seems to have been a time when a few gay bars were so entertaining that heterosexuals started coming. While at first that was good, sooner or later some anti-gay heteros seem to have started coming and ironically, objected to the bar being “so gay.” Wasn’t there a similar problem with hetero women coming as a group to gay bars having semi-nude male contests?  This disturbed the gay men and made the “scene” uncomfortable.

This is not the same issue as some bars, even gay bars, not welcoming some racial group or only welcoming members of a racial group—a bar for Asians may be unwelcoming to non-Asians who come for wrong reasons. There have been jokes in movies of some unpleasant person going to a Chinese restaurant and wanting non-Chinese food.


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